The rate at which marriages are crashing these days is a cause for concern. It is heartbreaking to see couples in love get married to build their lives together and all of a sudden, they are calling it quits.
What is truly going on? I know that no one goes into a marriage hoping for it to crash. No sane person wakes up to leave a beautiful and happy relationship. So what are some of the issues that couples can’t handle that lead to divorce?
These men and women told Effects some of the reasons that marriages are crashing today.
Lara: Marriages crash when the person you married is different from the one you dated
I think a lot of people realize the person they married isn’t actually the same person they were in courtship with. People change. The real person is revealed as the once beautiful relationship turns to some battlefield.
The reality of certain things set in for people, especially when a lovely partner becomes an abuser. People, especially those who can afford to, or have a good support system, would rather opt out when they still can, rather than remain and be maimed.
Obioma: You don’t know someone until you are married
You never truly know someone until you are married and by then it might actually be too late.
What is left is that you either start reaching compromises and coming together, or you start falling apart. When people realize that their happiness is their personal responsibility, and not to be sourced from anybody else, they will become more content in themselves, rather than taking their frustrations out on their partners.
Seun: High expectations crash marriages
I guess we set high expectations before going into the marriage and then what we see is not what we usually expected.
The realization that our significant other isn’t truly what they seem to be makes it seem like it is not workable. I guess our mind plays a fast one on us, leading us into believing we can work things out, you know the usual, when we get to the river we will cross it.
When I was dating my hubby, he was the best man a girl would wish for, he had a small business, then he got into oil business and that was it.
Everything went on downward spiral, so any hidden characters came to the fore that I would have sworn he never had.
Babatunde: External influences break up marriages
External influence is also a major factor. Some partners would never take a decision on their own; it has to be passed down by someone outside. Decisions jointly made by a couple would, in the process, be unilaterally changed by one. It makes the other one a stranger in his/her home.
It breeds resentment especially if the other partner rubs it in. Some are not decent enough to discuss any change, they go ahead to implement and are too arrogant to admit and apologize.
Such arrangements make it seem like the other one is not needed. Inferiority complex sets in and it is a downward slope from there o.
Kelvin: Lack of maturity is one reason marriages crash
Some people are not matured before they marry.
Nobody is superior to the other in a marriage and that’s were some men get it wrong. They insist things must work their way. If your wife must be submissive, then you must love her and that includes accepting her mistakes.
Ruth: Trying to change your partner will cause problems
When I met my guy, he made me feel I was the right person for him. He kept telling me how he loved the way I voice out my views, how I laughed, how I eat well and how simple I was. I fell for it and we got married.
Two years after, I became a talkative, a nag, a glutton, an idiot and a woman who doesn’t know how to dress classy. I kept wondering where I went wrong because it was the same me that he met years back. He wanted to change me into his new fantasy.
Amarachi: Many people get married for the wrong reasons
Most young people get married because they feel it’s the next thing to do. I have had a lot of friends and acquaintances who actively started looking for spouses immediately we were done with school and became gainfully employed.
This is not a bad thing in itself, but it becomes an issue because negative signs are damned, just to do what they assume society expects from them. A couple of years down the line, these people might realize they can’t bear these little annoyances anymore, so they opt for divorce or separation. Many people get married for the wrong reasons.
Dennis: Unrealistic expectations hurt marriages
The missing link that leads to failed marriages is inadequate preparation. It’s not a one off thing, rather it’s continuous learning process all through the journey that men and women must undertake if they want their marriages to last.
Unrealistic expectations destroy marriages. Expectations should be put on the table and skillfully discussed in order to have a full comprehension from the parties concerned.
Jennifer: Expecting your spouse to complete you causes problems
In my opinion, there is a level of completeness an individual should have before joining themselves to another person. That does not guarantee you won’t have problems, it will make you know what you want, how to get it and how to walk from bad situations.
We don’t invest in ourselves time and effort enough to want to be complete and grow but expect that the next person will complete us even when they are struggling with themselves. You can’t give what you don’t have.
Unfortunately, our society including parents ill prepare us for what lies ahead. Our culture and tradition also do not prepare us enough for the life that we will live in this ever changing world.
The journey of self realization and growth varies for everyone and should not be taken for granted. Of course, there are other issues that arise in marriage that one might never be too prepared for, but that again begs for one to clearly understand what they signed up for. A lot can be said on this issue as humans are social beings and therefore change constantly.
Damilola: Many people don’t get married for love anymore
I guess most people don’t get married for love again. Some marry because of children, money, pressure and social standing. Compromises and sacrifices are now expected to be from one person.
Some people want to get married and still enjoy their freedom. Some even get married to compete. All their friends are getting married so they have to. This is why so many are making a mess of their marriages
Juliet: Many marriages are built on deceit
I feel that many marriages today are built on deceit. People marry for the wrong reasons and deceive one another in the process. Maybe, if we go back to start thinking like our parents who married right, it will go a long way to better the future of the upcoming marriages. Let love lead the way!
Bello: We need to learn from our parents’ marriages
Until we stop behaving like we know it all in this modern times more than those that gave birth to us and turn back to the basic reasons our parents succeeded in their own marriages, marriages will continue to crash.
Our parents’ marriages survived even under intense pressures but today, people jump out for being lied to and cheated on. We need to learn from their tenacity, endurance, and attitude that made them endure periods of marital turmoil for the sake of their children.
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Author: Uche Atuma